


Shep the Nose

by ApocalypseThen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Blindfolds, Cyrano de Bergerac - Freeform, F/F, Face-Sitting, Having sex with someone other than you were expecting but everything turning out OK, Mass Effect Kink Meme, Oral Sex, The nose is the hero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5848570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocalypseThen/pseuds/ApocalypseThen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samantha and Ashley aren't quite sure if their feelings for each other are reciprocated. Enter Shep the Nose. Her prodigious appendage sniffs out the root of their problems and helps them along their way.</p><p>This is a pastiche of Cyrano, where instead of being good with words, our big nosed hero is exceptionally talented with her tongue. Just in case you were wondering what the hell was going on...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A kmeme fill:
> 
> http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/9115.html?thread=44651931#t44651931

“I did have someone in mind, actually,” said Samantha over the noise of the shower. “She's smart and strong and beautiful, but I can't tell if she's interested.”

Shepard's ears perked up. She took in Samantha's soft curves through the wreaths of steam that curled around her. “Isn't it usually pretty obvious?” she replied, trying to control the tightness in her throat.

“Hardly!” Samantha called. “I can't make head or tail of the signals she's sending me. I've tried to let her know I'm into her, but I'm not sure she understands.”

“Maybe she's just shy,” suggested Shepard. Her heart was pounding. She found her new Communications Specialist rather fetching. The idea that the feeling might be mutual, despite her obvious deficiency, sent her mind reeling. She leaned back against her desk and folded her arms, trying to control her excitement.

“We talk all the time,” said Samantha, peering coquettishly over her shoulder to look Shepard in the eye. Butterflies twitched in her stomach. “So it's not that. Could you ask her for me?”

The blood drained from Shepard's head. She closed her eyes for a moment to appreciate her disappointment before locking it down. She was used to this feeling, but it had been nice to hope, even for a few moments, that someone might find her attractive.

“I mean, I'd do it myself,” Samantha continued, “but I don't want to scare Ash off. I can be rather intimidating, you know.” She let Shepard see her smirk. Damn it all to hell. The pretty ones got all the action. It had been the same ever since she'd met Ashley, with first Kaidan, then Garrus falling for her rough-and-ready charms.

“Williams, eh?” asked Shepard, forcing herself to sound jolly. “When did that happen?”

“You weren't the only one who visited her in the hospital, Shepard,” replied Samantha. “We had a lot to talk about. I even slept next to her once. It was... special. At least I thought it was. Now I don't know. Will you ask her for me? You've known her a long time.”

Shepard was touched by Samantha's sincerity. She obviously had strong feelings for Ashley. It would be churlish of her to refuse to help. “It'd be my pleasure,” she said.

Samantha's eyes shone with gratitude. Shepard tore her eyes away from her dimples before she saw something she couldn't forget.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey dick-face, who let you out of your bag?” Ashley cocked her head to the side as she tossed off the insult, making it sound like a term of endearment.

Shepard was always struck by how Ashley could blend soulfulness and playfulness. Just because she read poetry didn't meant she couldn't appreciate a good fart joke. You kind of had to, when you were a marine. If it had been anyone else, however, she wouldn't have been so understanding about that kind of teasing.

“Dick-face? Is that all you've got?” Shepard asked. “You've got to do a schnozz like this justice, Ash. Don't you have some poetry you could be quoting? This is the nose that killed a thousand mercs. This nose and I have kicked ass all over the galaxy. Cerberus might have had three heads, but they only counted one nose while I was there. I've smelled things you people wouldn't believe. I'm the only human invited to elcor parties. Veni, vidi, olui: I came, I saw, I sniffed.” Shepard stood in front of the observation window, her arms spread wide to take in the field of stars. “My god, it's full of hairs.”

Then she sniffed once, theatrically. “Have you been drinking?”

“Yep,” Ashley replied. “Drinking away the blues. Want some?” She held out the bottle.

“Very definitely,” said Shepard. She took a pull of the cheap brandy and made a face, her cheeks plumping out. 

But no amount of gurning could ever disguise the monstrosity that occupied the centre of her face. Her nose swept forward dramatically from between her brows, broad and curved, it tapered before sprouting a magnificent bulb split by a slight indentation. It dominated her features, and there was indeed a passing resemblance to a proud male member. It had fascinated hundreds, and it had brought pleasure to many, but the fascination was always tempered by revulsion, and the pleasure by regret. Shepard hadn't had any lasting relationships, and she was sure her nose was at the root of that.

“So what's your excuse?” Ashley asked, taking the bottle back.

“The usual,” Shepard replied. “Another pretty girl doesn't want me.”

“Oh gosh, Shepard, I thought we'd been over this...” Ashley said, letting her head loll comfortably on Shepard's shoulder.

“Not you, you arrogant ass!” Shepard pushed Ashley away, confiscating the brandy at the same time.

Ashley giggled. “Give it back!” she complained.

“Not until you tell me yours,” Shepard said. She took another swig.

Ashley blushed and looked away. “It's kind of dumb,” she said. “I'm not sure I want to.”

“Let me guess, then,” said Shepard, a cruel smirk on her face. “Traynor.”

Ashley turned white as the blood drained from her face. “Shit!” she said. “How the hell did you figure that out? You're a nosy psychic bitch!”

Shepard gave her back the brandy. “She's crazy about you, you idiot,” she said calmly, letting her hand rest on Ashley's arm, subtly discouraging her from raising the bottle. “She told me so.”

“I know!” wailed Ashley. “There's the rub, skipper. I like her, she likes me. But...”

“But nothing, marine!” barked Shepard. “I want you to go up there and tell her how you feel, you big pussy!”

Ashley's gaze dropped to her lap and her eyes grew shiny. “I can't!” she said. “The only time I was with a girl, I really fucked up. I hurt her... down there. With my teeth. She had to go to the hospital. To the hospital, skipper!” Ashley cradled her head in her hands.

Shepard raised her eyebrows in disbelief. She couldn't really conceive of sex going so badly wrong. Millions of people did it every day with no special training. “So... you're never going to touch a girl again?” she asked. “Come on, Samantha'll understand, she'll teach you how she likes it...”

“No!” Ashley was vehemently sure. “I can't! I won't risk hurting her! I'll just stick to guys. I'll have a lot of meaningless one-night stands, and it'll be a good life.” She emerged from the cover of her hands. “Unless...”

Shepard was distinctly uncomfortable as Ashley's appraising gaze drifted from her eyes to rest on the bulbous tip of her nose. “Oh, no,” she said, shuffling away along the seat. “Just because I let you call a nose a nose doesn't mean you get special privileges!”

“Come on, skipper, please?” Ashley begged. “I've seen them staggering out of your cabin the morning after. Whatever you do, it works like crazy.”

“You're drunk, Williams,” said Shepard. “I'm cutting you off.” She found the stopper and made the bottle safe, but not before sneaking a final nip. “Do you have any idea what you're asking me to do?”

“Lick a pretty girl out so she falls in love with me?” replied Ashley with wide eyes and a huge smile.

Shepard thought about Samantha's naked ass, so recently on display in her private shower, for a long second. “Oh, all right.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Oh god!” said Ashley, pulling back from a luscious kiss, her chest heaving. “You're making me crazy with that hand.”

Samantha smiled up at her and let her hand trace Ashley's mound lightly through her underpants. “Maybe you should find a way to distract me,” she purred into her ear.

Shepard was equal parts mortified and aroused by the display that she was observing from her hiding place behind the bar. She watched as Samantha guided Ashley's hand down between her legs, and how Ashley slipped it away as soon as she could, seeking out Samantha's bottom, the back of her neck, anywhere but where it needed to be.

Shepard still had grave doubts about the wisdom of this gambit. With her promise of backup, Ashley had confessed her feelings to Samantha and things had gotten hot and heavy quickly. It would break her heart if either of them chickened out now. “I... I want to do something special,” Ashley said, letting her nervousness cover the lie. “Give me just a minute.”

Ashley fetched over a blindfold and presented it to Samantha. “Oh, that kind of special,” Samantha grinned. “It's been a while.” She let Ashley fasten it around the back of her head.

Shepard could understand how Ashley might be intimidated by Samantha's casual confessions of extensive sexual experience. There were so many things she'd never done, especially not with a girl. Ashley started to kiss her way down Samantha's bare neck and chest, beckoning Shepard frantically with one hand.

Shepard stepped out from behind the bar where she'd been crouched, a little colour in her cheeks that didn't make it to the bulb on her nose. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't looking forward to exploring Samantha's tight little body, hearing the sounds she would wring out of her. She loved making them lose control and beg and squeal. It burned her that they would so often sneak away the morning after, but she knew the score. Nobody was looking for something long term with Shep the Nose. That knowledge had made her a lot less discriminating in her choices than she might have been.

And then Samantha had come along. Shepard was thankful that someone she had to spend so much time working next to was so easy to get along with, charming even. The downside was that the little spark of admiration she reserved for Samantha threatened to burst into a livid torch of infatuation at any moment. She hope that this would help alleviate some of that pressure.

As Ashley encouraged Samantha to lie back on the bed, Shepard padded forward silently in her socks. Ashley was standing between Samantha's spread knees, which hung over the side of the bed, and she was carefully stroking the length of Samantha's body with her hands, keeping her occupied.

“Enough teasing,” moaned Samantha, her body flush with heat. “I'm so ready for this.”

When Shepard was in position, Ashley trailed kisses down Samantha's body until she reached her bellybutton. Then she lifted one hand from it's place on Samantha's tit, and Shepard replaced it with her own. She revelled in the stiff little handful. They switched out the other hand, which had taken up station at Samantha's hip. It was a little awkward. Finally Ashley raised her lips from Samantha's delicate flesh and Shepard lowered hers quickly to replace them. The bulb of her nose slipped into Samantha's navel, and made her stomach muscles tense at the unusual sensation, driving it in even further. 

Shepard loved it when her nose drew that kind of involuntary reaction out of a girl. She twisted slightly from side to side, drilling deeper and making Samantha let out a little shudder.

Ashley had stepped aside to let Shepard take over. Shepard glanced at her briefly, checking to make sure she was still on board with the next step. She was observing anxiously with one hand down her pants. Shepard took that as a good sign, and dove in for the main course.

She lapped her tongue from Samantha's perineum all the way up in one light sweep, taking in the whole range of flavours from the earthy musk near her asshole to the bitter sweat around her clit. Samantha shuddered and her back lifted from the bed, her stomach muscles working overtime.

“Oh my!” announced Samantha. Her hands wandered towards Shepard's head. Shepard took her wrists and held them. She couldn't risk Samantha's roving hands. She might feel something she wasn't supposed to. Shepard stepped up a gear, dipping her tongue between Samantha's wet lips, and Samantha slumped back, gasping for breath, her quest forgotten.

“Fuck!” cried Samantha as Shepard started flexing her experienced tongue. “You're amazing!”

Shepard had always taken pride in her skills. She lapped up Samantha's sweet wetness, using her tongue to spread it up over her clit, bathing and lubricating it so that it slid in and out of its little hood freely. Samantha responded with a sequence of needy squeals, ratcheting up in volume every time, thrusting her hips forward for more.

“Fuck! Fuck!” Samantha cried, the hard consonants ringing out in her British accent. 

It was inevitable that Shepard's nose would catch on Samantha's folds and stick up against her clit, even though it was slick with her juices. Samantha's whole body jerked up from the bed. She curled around Shepard's head, her hands escaping from Shepard's languid grip to bury themselves in her hair.

Before Shepard could worry that Samantha might notice the difference in feel between her hair and Ashley's, the tip of her nose slipped inside Samantha's vagina. She was startled, and Samantha took the opportunity to push herself right off the bed, bowling Shepard over backwards.

“Oh, Ash!” cried Samantha, as she came to a rest, her knees on the floor astride Shepard's head. She gyrated her hips, rubbing her sex against Shepard's face. “Ash!”

Shepard had ended up with her hands gripping Samantha's buttocks tightly. Even blindfolded it seemed that Samantha couldn't be made to relinquish control. With an apologetic blink up at Ashley's concerned, red face, Shepard redoubled her efforts.

If nose was what she wanted, the The Nose would be what she got. Shepard held Samantha firmly by the hips and pressed her mouth up against her folds, kissing them with a healthy serving of tongue. Samantha's urgent gyrations slowed under Shepard's expert ministrations, but her muscles were tense and twitchy. She slid her hands into Shepard's hair and tried to pull her head in closer, but Shepard resisted. “Ashley,” Samantha called dreamily, her head tilted back. “Give it to me. Don't fight me. You're mine now. You'll always be mine.”

Shepard frowned and looked over at Ashley. She was frigging away at herself quietly but with some enthusiasm, her eyes wide. Shepard gave in, and gave Samantha the nose, slipping it as far as she dared between Samantha's slick folds, letting it stretch her tight opening. Samantha reacted as if she was dancing on hot coals, trying to stand up and get away from Shepard's penetrating appendage. “Oh-oh-oh!” she said. But Shepard held her firmly down by her hips and began to oscillate her head sinuously to give Samantha her first nose-fucking.

Shepard felt Samantha's knees give as her body gave up the fight for control. Her full weight pressed down on Shepard's face. Shepard used her strength to lift Samantha gently and licked her again, worrying her fat little clit with the tip of her tongue before diving back in with her prodigious asset to stretch Samantha's opening further.

“Uh!” Samantha cried desperately. “How are you doing that? How?”

Shepard heard a small exhalation from behind her as Ashley tried to keep her orgasm silent. She didn't stop rubbing at herself, however. She decided it was time. She withdrew her nose and pulled Samantha down onto her lips, pursing them and locking them in place around her clit with as much suction as she could muster.

“Oh Christ!” Samantha screamed. “Oh! Ashley! Ashley! I'm coming on your...!”

Shepard was gratified by the powerful shudder that swept through Samantha's body as she tried to crush her head between her thighs. This was truly her favorite place in the world to be, her home and hearth, and she tasted its harsh flavors for as long as she could.

Until Ashley sat down, spreading her knees wide around Samantha, gathering her up in her arms and locking lips with her. Shepard had a wonderful view of Ashley's engorged sex through her soaked panties for a moment until they came to rest on her forehead. The combined smell of both women made her realise she'd been neglecting her own pleasure for too long. But even she couldn't hope to dislodge them both at once.

“Ashley? What...?” gasped Samantha as she pulled away from the kiss. She tore off her blindfold and blinked at Ashley's hopeful, sorrowful face in front of her. She looked down and recognised Shepard by a tuft of hair poking out of the tangle of limbs. She seemed dizzy in the afterglow. “Shepard,” she said languidly. “Ashley. Bloody fools.”

Ashley caught her in her arms as she toppled forward. Shepard, ever the optimist, poked her nose into Ashley's wet panties and took a good sniff.

“Skipper,” said Ashley, her voice rough with need. “I wish...”

Shepard grinned an unseen grin in her little cave of thighs. “We'll work it out, Ash,” she said. “The three of us.”

“Thanks, dick-face,” said Ashley.

“Any time, pussy,” Shepard replied.


End file.
